Prayer for a Husband

I don't know who wrote this, but my awesome roommate sent this to me and I thought that I would share it!

-Michele


Prayer for a Husband

Lord God, Your Word declares that if I delight myself in you--if I enjoy You and seek Your pleasure above mine--You will give me the desires of my heart (Ps. 37:4). Desiring a husband is neither evil nor selfish because marriage is honorable (Heb. 13:4).

At the beginning of creation you proclaimed, "It is not good that man should be alone" and then you created Eve to be a suitable partner for Adam (Gen. 2:18). In the name of Jesus, I ask that You would release the husband--a suitable partner--You have chosen for me. Because the covenant of marriage is sacred (Mark 10:9), I ask for a man of God. Please give me a husband whose love for me is outmatched only by his love for You. A man who will cherish me and build me up (Prov. 31:28). A man who will honor me (1 Peter 3:7) and our marriage vows. A man who is a good father and provider. A man whom I will be attracted to physically, emotionally, and
spiritually. A man who will love me as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25).

Restrain me from attaching myself to another man out of desperation. I will not settle for a relationship that is second best, convenient, or one that feeds my insecurities. Guard my purity,and give me the patience to wait. And when I meet him, confirm to me that he is the one.

Release from me the baggage of past relationships, and prepare me for the man You have chosen to be my husband. Free me from any hindrances to a healthy and godly marriage: insecurities,habitual sins, selfishness, emotional hurts. Dispel my unrealistic expectations that set me up for disappointment. I place my trust in You rather than my partner.

In this period of waiting I will look to You to be my companion and best friend. You are the One who redeems my life from the pit, who crowns me with love and compassion, who satisfies my desires with good things (Ps. 103:4-5 NIV). I will not be anxious, but as I present my requests to You, flood me with the peace that surpasses all understanding so my heart and my mind are guarded.

In this request, I commit myself to trust You and do good, to dwell in the land and feed on Your faithfulness. I commit my way to You and trust that You will bring it to pass (Ps. 37:3-5).

Closed For Remodeling

What do you do when God is quiet?

So I'm officially burnt out, turned off and tired of dating. I was thinking this morning about how quiet God feels to me right now. As I gazed out the window of my kitchen, my eyes fell upon a housewarming candle I got from a friend. "..In the quiet moments, trust God..." the candle reads.

I am reminded time and time again in scripture that even when we cannot see God at work, He is. When He doesn't seem present, He is. I am taking time to trust God and kick back on the dating scene.

The past two weeks I started really focusing on myself heath-wise and I have lost 5lbs...and counting. I want to renew my body and mind during this time. So for now, the dating store is temporarily closed. Still taking appointments for Faith and Hope, so keep reading...

Dating University: Online Dating

As I am an avid online dater, many friends ask about the differences between online dating sites. We all know people who have found luck and love on many different sites. Sigh* Dating in 21st century is never like before. I remember meeting a girl in college who met her husband in a chat room and thinking "OMG! Is she desperate? There are so many weirdos out there!!!" (Actually, "OMG" had not even been invented yet because there was no text messaging in college. I had a pager.)

Some of the most popular sites are match.com and Eharmony. I have done both, plus a few others. What I found was A) You get what you pay for and B) Dating is in the eye of the beholder.

For free sites, I found that you meet people who either want a hook up or are so burnt out on the dating scene that they couldn't meet the right person if Ms. Right bit them in the butt. My theory is: if a guy is willing to invest in a good dating site, he is willing to invest in a relationship. (As a beginning factor.)

For Match and Eharmony, I feel like it is a difference between shopping at say, Ross and shopping at a Westlake boutique. In a Westlake boutique, it's expensive and really nice, but oftentimes limited in merchandise. So much like Eharmony, you get limited matches and often limited in what you are looking for... so thank you, come again. (I am not currently on Eharmony but have met wonderful men through this.)

As for Ross, (aka Match.com) it truly comes down to this: Match has a LOT of men, but you have to search through a LOT of crap to find what you are looking for. There are so many men out there looking to just get laid--to put it bluntly... If you are looking for marriage you need to seek out those marriage-minded people who you can actually have fun with.

Rejoice ALWAYS!

It's easy for me to get caught up on Facebook, looking at all my friends from college and viewing pictures of their happy families, adoring husbands, and fat, giggling babies. An unhappy green-eyed monster wells up inside and asks "why don't I have that?"

My bible study group was reading Philippians 4:4-6 last night and it was a good reality check for me: "Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS, again I say rejoice!...The Lord is near." I felt ashamed. Even though I don't have exactly what I want when I want it, I am doing God a disservice. I am to REJOICE ALWAYS!

I was surprised recently to learn that some of my married friends admittedly struggle with having joy in their lives. My first thought was "Why?" They had wonderful husbands and adorable kids, roof over their head... They had EVERY reason to rejoice. Or so I thought. I started to look at my own life and realize that I needed to put things in perspective.

I don't want to be an unhappy person who is waiting for the right man to make me happy. I want a joyful journey with my Jesus, not a discontented journey until someone makes me feel good. I want my future husband to know that he has married a JOYFUL woman who knows how blessed she is with the big and the small things in life. There is much in my life to feel joyful, thankful and blessed about. The Bible calls us to rejoice in the LORD. What am I joyful about today?

The tasty coffee this morning.

I got to hang out with my fabulous new roommates who I seem to click with super well. (God totally brought me the best roommates ever.)

Volunteers who work in my office--they do things and don't even get paid!!!

I connected randomly with a girl from Craigslist buying my desk--turns out, she was a Christian from a church I have been seeking out.

The glass of wine after work...a joyful end to a joyful day. :)

Location, Location, Location!!!

I recently bought my first place. When I started the house shopping process, I had no idea how long it would take. I was in no rush, but eager to begin this new chapter of my life. I found that every homeowner I spoke to had their own specific list of the "must haves" when house shopping. I began to relate this (duh) to my dating life and my own personal list. When shopping for a partner, what are the "must haves" and what are the things you are willing to drop the price on?

At first, I looked at homes. But looking at my pay stub (I work for a non-profit) and the amount of effort it would take to make a house a home, I soon realized that a house's potential was far too much energy that I wanted to put in. So, I had to renegotiate my list and decided that it wasn't so much as what, but where. I have always said that the most important #1 item on the list is "Christian, Christian, Christian!!!" It's easy for me to lose sight of this when I see what is on the market. He's Christian, but no ambition, Christian but SO not ready to commit, Christian but has major anger issues... once one sees what is on the market, one can be easily persuaded against investing.

Without realizing it, my list had changed. I went out with a guy several times last month with a great heart, clear goals and ambitions, but no love for Jesus. (This abruptly ended with the abstinence conversation though.) I had to remind myself that God not only cared about the perfect house for me, but that He also cares about who I make a home with.

It took one month short of a year before I found the right townhouse. So it's not a house, it has no backyard, and I can spit on my neighbor's balcony. But it's beautiful, has a washer and dryer, and room for a family one day--and in the perfect location that I wanted. Better still, it didn't need to be fixed up. (That is a whole other sermon in itself!) I viewed and even put offers on several places in this very same complex, but none were quite right. Once I gave up and told Him I am blessed no matter what, He orchestrated the right deal at the perfect time--and better than I had imagined.

He's a Christian, Butt...

Michele: I would love to introduce my good friend and our guest blogger, Valerie Sun. She is in the faith, hoping and dating trenches with me as a prayer partner, accountability partner and just an all-around BLAST to hang out with. Enjoy!



He's a Christian, Butt...
by Valerie Sun


Something about me that I should probably disclose is that apparently I never grew out of that pre-pubescent stage where as girls we would give our crushes nicknames. This is only to be known to our closest circle of girlfriends, I think in an effort to lend secrecy and fun to our obsession at the time. This affinity to bestow codenames onto my schoolyard crushes has carried full force into adulthood. I nickname many of the guys I go out with…usually stemming from a quirk about them – sometimes positive, but not always. For example, I have gone out with catboy, hip-hop boy, and for the subject of this particular blog, "MAF."


In my never-ending quest to find a datable guy who is Christian, I stumbled upon MAF on match.com. MAF was a 30 year old grad student soon-to-be teacher who lived nearby, professed his Christianity in his profile, was extremely funny, and very cute, too!


I contacted him and we ended up chatting on IM one night. It was clear from the beginning that his faith was real and important to him. But in the oddest first conversation I have EVER had with a guy, red flags went up all over the place. He said that he had a conundrum: he was looking for a Christian “wild girl” – a girl who is Christian and loves God, but not uptight and with a wild side. He explained that although he himself was abstinent, he had dated too many Christian “drones” that would shut down at any kind of intimacy past hand-holding. I mean… I’m all for honesty and being real, but there is also something to be said for saving those type of conversations for once you get to know someone better, not on the first chat! Without going into detail, I told him that I felt I fell somewhere in the middle. I probably should have said goodbye right after that chat. Many women I know would have been duly offended and promptly signed off. I, however, decided to overlook the slightly offensive honesty in the hopes that underneath the apparent inability to distinguish appropriate first conversation subject matter there was that solid Christian, datable guy I was hoping to find.


I ended up going out with MAF four times, three of which were just hanging out at home. After the first date, the subject of my assets came up – specifically, those of the gluteal nature. Not just once, but multiple times…peppered throughout texts, conversations, and IMs. It appeared that due to my uncanny ability to find some wacky guys online, I had unearthed a Christian guy with an ass fetish to boot…which promptly gave him the well deserved nickname MAF – Mr. Ass Fetish. It wasn’t too long before he started asking for a picture of me from the back…seriously. I refused politely, laughing it off at first, and then when he wouldn’t let it drop, I reiterated my feelings on the matter a little more strongly. I didn’t tell him to shove it like I wanted to because I was trying SOOOO hard not to come across as the dreaded “prude” that we Christian women too often and easily get labeled. And, I wanted him to LIKE me.


MAF then left for home for two weeks over the holidays and I never heard from him again. Getting some perspective, I realized how much leeway I had given him just because ostensibly he had all those qualities I desperately wanted and was having such a hard time finding - but with it, I overlooked the fact that with him I felt like I had to prove myself and consequently, didn’t call him on his inappropriate aggression when it came to his attraction to rear ends.


Remembering my value as God’s child in dating can be really hard, and in my zealous attempt to throw everything I knew I needed and wanted out the window because this particular guy shared my faith, I lost that I need to look at the person as a whole, and not just the fact that he goes to church on a regular basis. Any other guy pulling those stunts I would have chalked up as a perv, but because MAF was a Christian, I figured that he might be worth ignoring the creepy behavior. Compromise is necessary for a healthy relationship, but when I ended up compromising also what I knew was right and good, and some of my sense of self-worth along with it, I realized I had cut the guy one too many breaks. And that there is such a thing as too much compromise …it is just a matter of treading that grey area and knowing when you’ve stepped into the red.


Lesson learned…next time a guy asks me for a picture of my ass after one date, I will turn tail and run the other direction – of course, all the while making sure that he doesn’t have a camera in his hand to take a picture of said tail while I run.

Pants on Fire...

Date number three with the Chef went really well. He cooked me a fabulous dinner in his drool-worthy kitchen, while I prepared delectable chocolate cookies with his vanilla mac sugar from Hawaii. Seeing all the fun products in his kitchen made me as green with envy as his avocado Kitchen Aide.

Fishing for information, I lallygagged down Girlfriends Past Lane. We women do this to gain more insight on a man. Men, for the most part (and to their credit) don't really care to ask about a girls' previous relationships. His previous relationship ended for one main reason: dishonesty. She was lying about being a drinker and a smoker. Insert DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS as I looked at him. All of a sudden it became impossible to swallow around the HUGE lump that had formed in my throat.

This is a tough admission to all you readers... or rather, an embarrassing one. Or tough AND embarrassing. I struggle with smoking. GASP!!! Worse yet, I am so embarrassed by the fact that I struggle with this, I lie on my dating profile. And he called it out in his past relationship. I felt ashamed. I admitted to my struggle then and there, but still did not feel right about it.

I have justified omitting this information for two reasons: 1.) I refuse to date a smoker. (I know, its a double standard, but I'll never fully quit if I date a smoker.) and 2.) I'm trying to quit.

This was still weighing on my mind as I slipped into my seat at my Monday morning class at church. We were discussing modeling behavior in our children. "Lying," the teacher said, "plants a seed that will just get bigger and bigger. It will continue to grow with just a little bit of lying here and there until it overtakes you." Of course, she wasn't speaking directly to me; She was talking about a 5-year-old lying about eating candy when mommy said NO. I felt the heat creep into my cheeks until it was as if they were on fire. Regardless of how embarrassed I was about my smoking, a lie is still a lie. It's in the ten commandments for cryin' out loud! I know we are not perfect, but God only gave us a solid ten to stick with and I STILL can't handle it! :)

The irony is that I consider myself an extremely honest and genuine person. My depraved self emerges when my self image is at stake. I know that this can be common for any people, but I felt ashamed nonetheless. My choice now is to come clean and be honest, despite my embarrassment, and hope this new endeavor won't go down in flames.

13 going on 30

"Michele, any man who TRULY loves you will be willing to wait for you." If I had a nickel for every time I heard this line in the past year, I could have bought a house instead of a condo. (Not that I have ANY complaints.) While this advice sounds great in theory, I realized in the past month that the logic is essentially illogical. I don't want to date a man who is willing to wait for me. Yes, I think I'm worth it. Yes, I want to date and marry a man who TRULY loves me. No, we will not leave the honeymoon suite for days after we are married...

But I have come to think that it is not about me. While "worth the wait" is a catchy slogan for purity rings or high school campuses, it still lacks in spiritual substance. What is it really about? Why do we wait? We wait because God asks this of us, and asks for obedience.

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." (1 Cor. 13:11) As a "child" a.k.a teenager with raging hormones, insatiable sexual curiosity, new contacts and braces newly taken off, I was a ripe for the pickin'. I was a child in a young woman's body with no understanding of sexual integrity or a heart to please God. We love because He first loved us. How do we repay that the Creator and Definer of Love itself? Through obedience and worship with our actions.

As children, we love to think that it's about us; I'M worth the wait...If he truly loves ME... I sat on the couch chatting with two girlfriends the other night, and the subject turned to sex. (Of course!) I talked about how it was increasingly becoming an issue to date guys who don't wait, but because of my conviction, might "wait" for me. Maybe when I was a mere child in my dating knowledge it made perfect sense. Don't get me wrong--being "worth the wait" is fantastic! However, I think there is a time in our spiritual growth when our focus needs to change.

This is true in MANY areas of our lives. "Thou shalt not have premarital sex" is not the eleventh commandment. It is not this rule that we keep because God says to... We obey God because He loved US SO MUCH first!!! What if we were talking about lying? Say a guy I am dating says, "Michele, I love you SO much that I am willing to never lie again." Sounds great! Do I want him to not lie just to please me? I have since weaned myself off of boys who will wait for me. I have grown up to men who are willing to be man enough to follow to what God wants for their life, a man seeking to please God's heart, not just mine. THAT is the kind of man I want to marry!

Bought at a Price

Here I am up way too late... So many thoughts in my head tonight. I had my first St. Patty's Day green beer at a dive bar in town. While sitting at the bar, I distracted myself from getting hit on by the locals by texting a guy I had had coffee with several weeks prior.

Tall, sexy, Christian, he and I flirted back and forth for a good hour. I wondered why he hadn't called me for a real date after coffee. We were set up by a mutual acquaintance through church.

At some point in the conversation, he mentioned he had his "vices." AKA this meant that although he enjoyed texting me, he could not actually date me because, while my stance on sex before marriage was "admirable," he did not have the will power to wait for marriage. All this via text. It was a bit of a buzz kill.

Coming home, I got into a great conversation with my girlfriend who has been crashing on my couch. She sauteed pot stickers--the best food when you come home after a few drinks. She surprised me with her admission. "Michele, I took me SO long to realize that guys are just 'borrowing' you because you are there. I envy you, that you stopped having sex."

Whine... I am envied and celibate, while others are out there having sex and living how they want to. I have to remember that my body is not my own. I was bought at a price. I am not my own, I was bought at a price. I need to keep repeating this and write it on my bathroom mirror so I can repeat it to myself everyday. I hear the Holy Spirit whisper to me, just like He always does..."I have more in store for you, Precious..." I just need to stop thinking so much and listen.

Grin and Bear It

I have been sick for the past five days, holed up in my apartment. It has been miserable! On top of that, I started chatting with the Chef, a guy I met online but had not yet met.

The Chef called and we talked for some time. I learned that he was strong in his faith and had a great sense of humor. There was a slight shyness and sweetness about him that was very appealing. To add even more sugar to the mix, for our first date he offered to come to my house and fix me soup to help me get better. I thought this was refreshingly unique and personal.

A knock on the door, the Chef stepped into my apartment, arms laden with food. He had painstakingly prepared French Onion Soup from scratch just for me. He even cooked extra so I could have some for later.

He seemed a little nervous, and I felt myself getting unusually nervous in response. We talked in the kitchen, until I noticed my cat crossing the room with his best buddy and favorite toy, a Valentine's Day bear.

It was not unusual for my kitten to drag his little friend around the room. Right below where the Chef was standing, my shameless cat started humping his bear. I realized my kitten had moved from being a "kitten" to a "catolescent." This momma was SO embarrassed. My date laughed it off with me, and we proceeded to ignore the little tart.

This date went from unique to one of a kind! The conversation was great, the food delectable..if the Chef can handle the kitty porn enough to call me for another date, I'm open for seconds!

Third Time is NOT so Charming

(Cont'd from "Like Fine Wine..." and "Catch and Release")


After a long stretch, Mr. B decided to contact me for a third date upon returning from his vacation home. We decided on dinner and afterwards, I was to introduce him to one of my favorite music venues down in LA.

He was just as handsome as I remembered. Over a sushi dinner, we caught up over the past two weeks since last seeing one another. After grabbing drinks at the bar, we were seated at the sushi table. Once again, the conversation turned to sex, or my lack thereof. This time it was not so much of a discussion, but a few dropped lines with a hint of mocking.

Mr. B: "(something kinda crude)" then... "Oops! I can't say that around YOU cause you don't do that..." This was followed with a chuckle by him and an awkward WTF? look from me. I may be abstinent, but I don't need him to talk down to me.

This was the first date that I had seen him have a couple glasses of wine, and I was not quite sure if it was the wine talking or the real Mr. B.

I felt myself cringing at Mr. B's attempt to say something in garbled Spanish to our Asian sushi chef. The sushi chef pretended not to notice, but I shuddered as I watched his eyes dart sideways as he prepared our special rolls. He was going to spit in them, I was sure of it.

The drive to our next location was EVEN better. Mr. B fiddled with my radio, seeking out specifically "Hair Band" music. Ok, I know that music is NOT an indicator in finding your future spouse, however there is only so much Motley Crue and this girl can handle. The hairline fracture in our age difference was beginning to widen into a crevasse.

We had a good time at Hotel Cafe (how can you not?). The drive home was a little different though, as the man who "respected" my values tried to smooth talk me out of them. This combined with the crude comments and him not walking me to my door sealed the deal.

It was amazing where three dates had taken me. First time, awesome. Second time, left me doubting...Third date, not so charming. I think I should have been listening to that voice that was telling me was not the path I was to take. Maybe it was the Holy Spirit speaking words of wisdom? Let it be...

Catch and Release

Many people commented offering advice with Mr.B and wanted to know what ended up happening...

He asked me out for a third time and I agreed. I was really torn after that last blog because I liked the guy, and I did not feel like another date was 'settling.' I agreed for a few reasons: 1) I did not feel like two dates had been sufficient to really know his heart, and 2) I did not feel that my conviction for abstinence was in any danger. He was a man who had a good career and money, and was used to women dating him for the latter. It's great he has done well for himself, but a Porshe in the garage "don't impress me much!" So I was ready to get to know Mr. B on a deeper level and see what else he was about.

Unfortunately, that particular Wednesday we were to go out, I had way too much going on and had to cancel. I am not playing games here, but I rationalized if he really wanted to get to know me better and was willing to wait for sex, he would ask me out again.

A few days of texting with Mr.B, he still had not picked up the phone and called me. I mentally wrote him off over the weekend, but Monday morning I found several texts from him. He suggested I could invite him over in when I am in my new place. (I'm thinking, "okay, in another 45 days?") I am not a chaser--I like to let a guy call me, so I think I am going to let this fish go...

Dating, Rhymes with Waiting.

Home buying is also synonymous with waiting--I am learning, but that does not make a great title. :) After waiting for almost a year for my townhouse, it will be mine this coming week. My apologies for not writing earlier, as my hand has had a cramp in it from all the document signing.

I have taken a break from dating. It has been somewhat forced because my focus has been solely work and house. Period. I went on a few small dates here and there, one coffee and some small dinner outings. Nothing to write blog about. I made a vow to be more open about the type of guy I would go out with, but I am finding out that there is a serious chemistry deficiency when going down this route. Still, I get to meet new people and expand my world, without dissecting them with the marriage scalpel.

Even though I am meeting new people and having a great time, it can also be VERY discouraging. Sometimes I wonder if this is an area that God hears me in. I am conflicted inside when my doubts and feelings conflict with His word. I am reminded over and over again how much He cares and how He hears my prayers. Sometimes the worldly view gets in the way--through friends. I have some friends that LOVE to point to scarcity, causing knots in my stomach. "You know Michele, everyone is going to have baggage. You should just be happy to meet a guy with a job and who is Christian..." or "the older you get, the less available men there are," or better yet "you need to get back dating because the good ones get snatched up really fast!" Really? Seriously? God knows how old I am, and knows every hair on my head. I have faith that He really cares about EVERY aspect of my life, including who I date and marry. Is it really possible that the CREATOR of the Universe can be "run out" of good, single Christian men? Is He limited in no areas except for that? Am I going to die an old spinster, and when I get to heaven God will say, "Michele, I had the perfect guy for you, but you should have stayed on eHarmony for another month--he was right around the corner!"

So I have this cat. He knows I adore him. And he knows he gets fed twice a day. I don't dangle kitty food in front of his face and not give it to him. But even still, there are times that he gets so impatient, he jumps onto the table and then to the counter as I am dishing out the food. And he gets disciplined. He is not allowed to be on the counter! I have to remember that God knows what I am hungry for, and He is happily preparing it because He adores us. I just have to be patient and wait for the good stuff.

Fish or Cut Bait?

Monday night was the big night out with Mr. B. I was super excited and felt little butterflies well up in my stomach when I thought about it.

Earlier in the day, I had attended a parenting class at church. Not really focused on the lesson, I distractedly prayed that God would speak to me and guide my steps for this date, even though this was not a serious thing just yet. True to His promise, we ask for wisdom and He freely gives it.

Ironically, the scripture for the parenting class that day was on 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. "Don't team up with those who are unbeleivers... and SEPARATE yourselves from them..." (NLT) As Christians, we are called to be separate.

Sitting across from Mr. B and talking about sex and why I abstain (for nth time) was exhausting. I kept thinking that even though last year he was baptized, there was nothing that I could see that seemed "separate." He was only hitting the tip of the iceberg with his faith. I want to date someone who is strong in their faith, or at least feels strongly convicted in the same areas that
I do.

Talking to a yoga/pilates hard-bodied friend last night, I tried to explain it like this. "You are super fit and fitness is your life. What if you met a great guy, but he sat on his ass watching T.V. and eating Cool Ranch Doritos all day long? Sure, he might "respect" your fitness goals and what you are doing with your life, but he probably won't encourage you and challenge you in those goals." Not to mention, sooner or later, you will end up on the couch next to him asking him to pass chips as you unbutton the top button of your pants to breathe easier.

Everything else about Mr.B is awesome. Tall, funny, good looking, fit, sweet, talkative, sucessful, active, interesting, obvisouly likes me, no games...

Having this conversation with many women wiser than I, I am still at a loss on whether to fish with Mr. B or cut bait. On one hand, one more date won't hurt. Sure, he is not perfect, but who is? Maybe this is an area that he can and will grow in? And since we've only been on two dates, its not like I'm making a huge decision.

On the other, why waste his time? Or mine? Words of a Brad Paisley song swim in my head... "Oh lookie here, another bite..." This girl might just have to keep on fishin', cause apparently there is plenty of fish in the sea...

Do As I Say... Not As I Do!

I heard a new statistic that 1 in 3 ninth graders in the United States is sexually active. While this can be shocking, it only started more questions for me. At what age is it OK to be sexually active?

Over coffee, a good friend (a hot, divorced mom and abstinent like me) divulged her frustration with dating men who were Christians, yet insisted on sex prior to a marriage commitment. Most of these men were all divorced themselves.

At my work, we share the abstinence message to youth not ONLY because teens are more likely to use contraception incorrectly, but because there is way more than just possible pregnancy or an STI at stake. Sex can cloud our judgment on how the relationship actually is. I think ALL my friends (including myself) has dated a complete loser, cheater, beater or drug addict and could not seem to get enough. Why is that? Regardless of how mature or grown up we women appear to be, chemically speaking we girls attach or bond to men when sex enters the picture. (Google "oxytocin.")

Setting that aside, my saddest grief is the spiritual implications. God intended sex for marriage. Period. End of sentence. When we ignore this fact, we are being disobedient. Period. The other thought that entered my mind as I tossed and turned in bed was, that I am NOT my own. God owns me. We are NOT ours--we are His property. So any man or woman who wishes to have sex without marriage is attempting to sneak a peek at presents prior to Christmas morning. Some things are worth waiting for... How much fun is that?

Like Fine Wine...

Some things get better with age.

Mr. B is older than I would typically date, but I vowed to stay as open-minded as possible this year and do things a little differently--like trying a new pair of shoes that fit, but you want to make sure that they're "you."

To be honest, I was not totally looking forward to this date. In typically "Michele" fashion, I had asked point blank how he felt about premarital sex prior to this date. (See my other blog "Tasting The Goods" at datingfrogstofindmyprince.blogspot.com) I figured out early on that a guy needs to know ahead of time where you stand on the sex issue. If he knew where I stood, I was avoiding any awkward moments and conversations later. Mr. B respected where I stood, but as a new Christian had many questions before deciding it might be ok to take the abstinence train. He was curious and it made for good conversation.

Sex is often on a guy's mind. There is beauty in this simplicity; they are easily pleased with sex. Celebrating sex at the right time can work to only to your benefit--find out if a guy really is interested in getting to know YOU. Also, if he has the restraint to wait until marriage, how much more restraint will he have if another woman comes on to him once you are married?

I sat across from Mr. B, alarmed at how attractive I found him. I felt drawn to him. Not only from his physical appearance, but there was a confidence and a gentleness that was extremely appealing. Two major brownie points from our date: 1) he could not wait for me to talk and hear what I was all about and 2) he was a complete gentleman--opening doors, taking care of my valeted car, pulling out my chair... Guys might be easily entertained by sex but oh boy, was I easily taken in by a sweet, chivalrous guy who hung on every word! Three and a half hours later, we strolled out of the restaurant, both smitten with food and company.

He walk me to my car, hesitated, and stroked my cheek. I gave him a signal that he could kiss me by wildly batting my eyelashes in a manner I hoped was appealing. He gave me a sweet, reserved kiss and tucked me into my car. He texted the next day to say that he was thinking about me; no games, no waiting. Just a simple gesture that brought a smile to my face. Mmm... another brownie point.

Date number two is on Monday and I am looking forward to it more than I would dare to admit. I think I have tapped into something I never knew before... This man seemed to definitely get even better with age... Waiter, I'll definitely have another glass please!

I Don't Speak "Guy"

Ok, so I went out with "Rick" for the first time last night. I had an absolute blast. We both had so much to share and talk about that over three hours had passed in the restaurant before I knew it.

Rick is a good ol' boy--midwest roots and midwest values, plus an adorable accent. He had confidence, was tough without being macho, strong in character, and very "guy." Girls know what I am talking about here. We love a man who is well, masculine. Just picture Tim Allen pounding his chest with that "Arrrr Arrr!" It was cute to see how excited he got to order a fourteen ounce steak--and eat it all of it. There is nothing worse than a guy who is picky about food. This a right reserved only for women. :) I swear it must be written in the Bible somewhere, like when Eve was offered the apple--she only ate because it was not going to make her fat--I'm sure of it!

At the end of the date, Rick walked me to my car. (Insert awkward moment here) Do you kiss on the first date? Hug? I couldn't read his signals, so I went to give him a safe hug, just as he was leaning in to give me a smack on the lips! In my embarassment I cracked a joke and said something lame like, "oh, so you want to kiss me, huh?" To which he replied with an "is that ok?" Of course!

Once home, I sent a text thanking him for the fun evening. He replied with a "Let's do something again sometime." Something, sometime? This is where girls and guys are very different.

When a guy says: Let's do something again sometime.

I hear: I think I might like to take you out again--we'll see. Maybe I'll call you, maybe I won't.

BUT what I am told he really means: Let's do something again sometime.

I don't know why this is such a hard concept for me to get. I think it's in our womanly nature to look into everything. I am frequently told by my brothers guys say what they mean. So I am just going to have to wait for him to call for date number two.

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

This ol' girl is dating!

Like southern California weather, so goes my dating--there are times when one can see figurative tumbleweed blowing across my love life. But in sync with the this weeks showers, my dating life is pouring buckets. Ok, maybe not buckets...

I've decided for 2010 to be more open to new experiences and to have fun with dating. So many of us women date specifically with marriage as the only focus, not realizing that going out with someone who is not necessarily our "type" might surprise us. So ringing in the new year, I decided to join an online dating site that matches me up with people, based on "28 levels of campatibility." (Insert commercial here.) If you cannot figure out what site this is, you must live under a rock. EHarmony commercials run just about every commercial break.

Stay tuned in to see this week's dating forecast...

This Year's Love...Three Years Ago

"This year's love had better last..." I was driving home last night when my XM radio started playing David Grey's Song. "Heaven knows it's high time," came the hopeful melody. I drove blindly and was taken back three years ago...

Under the Hawaiian moon, he and I danced barefoot in the sand. He had been training in missions and I impulsively hopped a plane to visit him. It was romantic--the whole day was. He picked me up at the airport, complete with a fragrant lei for my neck and love songs strategically placed on my seat. As we stared at one another over fresh sushi on the beach, my stomach was a sea of butterflies. I had never been romanced before. This was all new to me.

I was going to marry him. Or so I thought. I remember we prayed fervently to God for our impending nuptials. We did everything right--we prayed, we abstained, we churched together. This was it, wasn't it? What I did not expect when I prayed for God's Plan was a big fat "NO" from God. That's not the way it's supposed to work...or is it?

Looking back, I can see what He was doing, though I did not understand at the time. I was devastated for weeks after we broke up. The dream that we had built was gone. There was nothing in it's place. And so the Proverb goes, "Man makes his plans, but it is the LORD who guides his steps."

I see him from time to time and I always come back dazed. Dazed at the reality that there is no feeling, no love lost (if there is none lost, was it there to begin with?) nothing. I think about how devasted I was, and for what reason? I think about who I am now and was then, and I am taken aback that we ever dated to begin with. God guides to what He has planned for me, even though I make my plans. I rest comfortably in that thought.

Adam and Eve

I recently decided to take up the challenge to read my bible chronologically as part of my 2010 goals. I came to my attention that Adam and Eve never dated; God made man, and then He delivered his "helper" to him. She was an instant wife. There was no dating, no courtship, no romantic proposal, nada. On the other hand, there were no dreaded "in-laws," no worries of Adam checking other women--or other men for that matter, and no doubt if this Eve gal was Ms. Right--she was to the very core created especially for Adam. Come to think of it, Adam probably never had commitment issues either. I seriously wonder what would have happened if God brought Eve before Adam and he had said that he was "not ready to settle down."

Dr. Laura says that basically to keep a husband happy, all his wife needs to give is food, sex and appreciation. Is it any coincidence that God made woman from the rib of a man, and WHAT is man's favorite food?