"Michele, any man who TRULY loves you will be willing to wait for you." If I had a nickel for every time I heard this line in the past year, I could have bought a house instead of a condo. (Not that I have ANY complaints.) While this advice sounds great in theory, I realized in the past month that the logic is essentially illogical. I don't want to date a man who is willing to wait for me. Yes, I think I'm worth it. Yes, I want to date and marry a man who TRULY loves me. No, we will not leave the honeymoon suite for days after we are married...
But I have come to think that it is not about me. While "worth the wait" is a catchy slogan for purity rings or high school campuses, it still lacks in spiritual substance. What is it really about? Why do we wait? We wait because God asks this of us, and asks for obedience.
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." (1 Cor. 13:11) As a "child" a.k.a teenager with raging hormones, insatiable sexual curiosity, new contacts and braces newly taken off, I was a ripe for the pickin'. I was a child in a young woman's body with no understanding of sexual integrity or a heart to please God. We love because He first loved us. How do we repay that the Creator and Definer of Love itself? Through obedience and worship with our actions.
As children, we love to think that it's about us; I'M worth the wait...If he truly loves ME... I sat on the couch chatting with two girlfriends the other night, and the subject turned to sex. (Of course!) I talked about how it was increasingly becoming an issue to date guys who don't wait, but because of my conviction, might "wait" for me. Maybe when I was a mere child in my dating knowledge it made perfect sense. Don't get me wrong--being "worth the wait" is fantastic! However, I think there is a time in our spiritual growth when our focus needs to change.
This is true in MANY areas of our lives. "Thou shalt not have premarital sex" is not the eleventh commandment. It is not this rule that we keep because God says to... We obey God because He loved US SO MUCH first!!! What if we were talking about lying? Say a guy I am dating says, "Michele, I love you SO much that I am willing to never lie again." Sounds great! Do I want him to not lie just to please me? I have since weaned myself off of boys who will wait for me. I have grown up to men who are willing to be man enough to follow to what God wants for their life, a man seeking to please God's heart, not just mine. THAT is the kind of man I want to marry!
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Perhaps the focus should not be on what you won't do, but what you will do. A successful marriage does not revolve around marriage, so why should the courting period? Although I admire your openness so early in the dating process, it has become obvious that your position on abstinence has become the focal point. If you were to ask a man what he wants in a wife you will rarely hear sex as an answer. Focus the courting period on the things that make marriage strong. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI see what you are saying... I guess I failed to mention that since my job revolves around abstinence and teaching it, it comes up often in conversation. So, as soon as a date hears about it, it becomes a BIG focal point.
ReplyDeleteGuys love to talk about themselves - divert the focus away from sex! Guys can talk about themselves for hours!
ReplyDeleteThis is really great. Pretty much what I had in my head, but better articulated! I happened upon your blog sort of by accident and it has been so refreshing to read the thoughts of someone who shares my convictions and struggles. Thanks for being an encouragement to me and, I'm sure, many others :)
ReplyDeleteEloquently said, Michele, and right on! Finding a man with a heart for God and the desire to do His will is not an easy task, but nothing less will satisfy women of God.
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