Ok, so I went out with "Rick" for the first time last night. I had an absolute blast. We both had so much to share and talk about that over three hours had passed in the restaurant before I knew it.
Rick is a good ol' boy--midwest roots and midwest values, plus an adorable accent. He had confidence, was tough without being macho, strong in character, and very "guy." Girls know what I am talking about here. We love a man who is well, masculine. Just picture Tim Allen pounding his chest with that "Arrrr Arrr!" It was cute to see how excited he got to order a fourteen ounce steak--and eat it all of it. There is nothing worse than a guy who is picky about food. This a right reserved only for women. :) I swear it must be written in the Bible somewhere, like when Eve was offered the apple--she only ate because it was not going to make her fat--I'm sure of it!
At the end of the date, Rick walked me to my car. (Insert awkward moment here) Do you kiss on the first date? Hug? I couldn't read his signals, so I went to give him a safe hug, just as he was leaning in to give me a smack on the lips! In my embarassment I cracked a joke and said something lame like, "oh, so you want to kiss me, huh?" To which he replied with an "is that ok?" Of course!
Once home, I sent a text thanking him for the fun evening. He replied with a "Let's do something again sometime." Something, sometime? This is where girls and guys are very different.
When a guy says: Let's do something again sometime.
I hear: I think I might like to take you out again--we'll see. Maybe I'll call you, maybe I won't.
BUT what I am told he really means: Let's do something again sometime.
I don't know why this is such a hard concept for me to get. I think it's in our womanly nature to look into everything. I am frequently told by my brothers guys say what they mean. So I am just going to have to wait for him to call for date number two.
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Great post. I am going to have to disagree with your brothers about guys saying what they mean. I feel that men say what is safe which usually lands in a grey area. "Doing something sometime" means that yes there may be an interest but I don't have to commit to that "something or sometime" now.
ReplyDeleteIt is amzaing to me how busy my life can become, even when I have nothing going on, when a woman actually answers the question of "can we do something sometime" with "absolutely, what would you like to do and when?"
"Um, I am not sure. Let me check my schedule and get back to you... what would you like to do? What works for you?" Is the typical response I have given in the past even though I like the girl!! I suspect you have heard the same at some point.
We men are a funny breed. Call date number two and see if after the date he askes if you would do something specific at a specific date with him. That is when you know the guy is truly thinking of you and his future.... becuase he includes you in it...specifically...
While we "women" do tend to obsess on things, the easiest thing to do is just put it out there, transparently. The rules are made up as we go along anyway. Ask for what you need. Be specific. "Let's hike the Victory trail head on Saturday at 10am. Call me if you can't make it." This also will let you know if: a) he can keep up with you; and b) if he can handle the fact that you'd rather actually eat the whole dang apple pie 'cause you have better things to do than worry about your weight. LOVE! kathleen. www.kathleenmelton.com
ReplyDeleteLike Brian, I'm not so sure men say what they mean in dating situations. They try to stay out of any conflict, and how many women have heard "I'll call you," but never hear from the guy again! I love your blog...I just want you to find Prince Charming--he's out there, I know it! BTW, have you heard of the DVD of a British mini-series named Lost in Austen? If you haven't seen it, Chel, you have to rent it or borrow it from us. Tina and Dean saw it on Netflix and ordered it for us--it was so much fun to watch! It's a time travel, modern look at Pride and Prejudice. The heroine whose favorite book is Pride and Prejudice finds a door to another time and changes places with Elizabeth Bennet. What fun! The actor who plays Darcy is wonderful--quite attractive, too. His name is Elliot Cowan, he's 33, unmarried, and appears to be straight from the information I've seen. You might want to meet him after watching the mini-series. A little trip to London might be fun...hmmmmm? I love you!--Sherry
ReplyDelete"Something, sometime" could also mean "I'm just not that into you".
ReplyDeleteIMO, resist calling for that second date. If he is into you, he will make you a priority from date #1. I don't care how "busy" his life is. You shouldn't have to wait for him to make a move until after date #2.
Goodluck!
His reply could be him simply mesmorized by the experience he had with you. Including the awkward good bye. As an old fart, my suggestion would be, simply let time play this out.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the fact that you still have awkward moments in dates. Men suck at communicating. As you reference Eve and the apple. Umm. Where was Adam to speak up and say not to eat it? He was more than likely off somewhere, doing something.. Like he had been for sometime.
Ok, so here is my take. As a guy, I feel like there are two types of takes on his comment. Either 1. Hes just not that into you, in which case, hes not worth your time, or 2. (and this is the one that most women never think of) maybe he is just scared....
ReplyDeleteI know that he seemed confident, but that doesn't mean that he is. Using that non-confrontational language suggests that he is hinting at his true feelings of excitment and passion, but scared that showing that will leave him somehow vulnerable, or worse yet, scare you away. Lets play this one out here... what if he had said, "I really had a nice time. Lets do this again. How about Friday at 5". In his mind, his cards are on the table. If you say "yeah sure", than he is in the clear and happy. But if you say, "you know, I had a great time, but (insert line here about just wanting to be friends)" it will humiliate him. And dont ever think that you are the first one to tell him that.
Using the language he used, in my opinion, is like saying, "I like you, I want to do this again, but I dont know if you feel the same way and I dont want to be embarassed again". He is rolling the dice, but by using the language, the stakes aren't as high. He masks his true feelings.
Men are hard to read at first, Ill give you that, but only because women make us that way. Most guys have been turned down and heart broken so many times, we gaurd against it. You only have to get bitten by a dog once to realize you shouldn't pet it. And I understand, most women do want to be just friends with most guys they meet, but every time we hear that, it makes us feel about as big as Papa Smurf.
My advice, keep the faith girl. If hes worth it, he will call. If he doesn't, hes either a jerk that just wants to hook up, has low self confindence, or simply, hes not the one God intended at this time in your life. It could be a bummer, but in the end, no matter what, the outcome will be worth it.
He is into you...give the guy a chance. He responded immediately. If he doesn't call for date #2, it just means there is someone better out there for you.
ReplyDeleteI had this happen to me this week. I had two first dates (2 different guys). The first date was 5 hours long - lunch and wandering around the little town I live in. We've been texting back and forth all week. He hasn't asked for a second date... The other first date I had this week was lovely dinner that ended with his request for a second date and plans made for said date... I still don't get men either!
ReplyDeleteMy only advise is next time wait till he text's you.. When you are the first, it seems a little to eager and he should be eager for you not the other way around. I hope he calls again :)
ReplyDeleteI love all of the comments, especially from the guys. I grew up with 3 older brothers and thought I spoke guy pretty well, but now that I'm back in the dating scene after 15 years with the same guy that didn't communicate well, I'm finding my guy speak is very rusty. And there wasn't texting the last time I was on the market. Texting is flirty and fun but like email its also hard to know the tone behind what is said. I'm always afraid of appearing too eager, but I'm at a point in my life where I know what I want and I don't play games. I hate trying to figure out if somebody into me or not, life is too busy & too short. I love the quote by Dr. Suess “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” My advice to guys is too be a bit braver because we aren't as confident as we may seem.
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