Monday night was the big night out with Mr. B. I was super excited and felt little butterflies well up in my stomach when I thought about it.
Earlier in the day, I had attended a parenting class at church. Not really focused on the lesson, I distractedly prayed that God would speak to me and guide my steps for this date, even though this was not a serious thing just yet. True to His promise, we ask for wisdom and He freely gives it.
Ironically, the scripture for the parenting class that day was on 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. "Don't team up with those who are unbeleivers... and SEPARATE yourselves from them..." (NLT) As Christians, we are called to be separate.
Sitting across from Mr. B and talking about sex and why I abstain (for nth time) was exhausting. I kept thinking that even though last year he was baptized, there was nothing that I could see that seemed "separate." He was only hitting the tip of the iceberg with his faith. I want to date someone who is strong in their faith, or at least feels strongly convicted in the same areas that
I do.
Talking to a yoga/pilates hard-bodied friend last night, I tried to explain it like this. "You are super fit and fitness is your life. What if you met a great guy, but he sat on his ass watching T.V. and eating Cool Ranch Doritos all day long? Sure, he might "respect" your fitness goals and what you are doing with your life, but he probably won't encourage you and challenge you in those goals." Not to mention, sooner or later, you will end up on the couch next to him asking him to pass chips as you unbutton the top button of your pants to breathe easier.
Everything else about Mr.B is awesome. Tall, funny, good looking, fit, sweet, talkative, sucessful, active, interesting, obvisouly likes me, no games...
Having this conversation with many women wiser than I, I am still at a loss on whether to fish with Mr. B or cut bait. On one hand, one more date won't hurt. Sure, he is not perfect, but who is? Maybe this is an area that he can and will grow in? And since we've only been on two dates, its not like I'm making a huge decision.
On the other, why waste his time? Or mine? Words of a Brad Paisley song swim in my head... "Oh lookie here, another bite..." This girl might just have to keep on fishin', cause apparently there is plenty of fish in the sea...
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Michele,
ReplyDeleteOnly you can determine whether his faith or lack of progress thereof can determine whether or not to continue. That being said, there are NO guarantees. Worrying about his faith may be premature. I realize how important your faith is to you but at the same time, you may be giving up or narrowing the opportunity to develop a life-long relationship. Take it from a former life-long single person; when you add more filters to an already, seemingly insurmountable search, it does just that, limit your choices. If you ask me, and you have =P, let things take a natural choice. You can only control how you direct and feel about your faith, not someone else's. Trying to determine the depth of someone's faith is impossible. It's just like finding out who someone really is. You will only know in time. I have met plenty of individuals who project themselves as very devout Christians only to see them as the opposite. Choosing a mate is about making compromises but only the ones that you can live with and give your life greater meaning as a result.
Luv Ya
Frank
I was involved in a conversation last night with "believers" as they called themselves - "christians" - who could quote the bible and all. Oddly, they could not free themselves from passing judgement or condemning others' behaviors and beliefs. Who is their God? Mine is accepting, forgiving and loving without expectations. Obviously, a journey into faith and a close connection to God is beneficial and necessary for Spiritual growth, but to "pass" on another person as opposed to viewing them as God would view them and to think that you are "separate" from anyone are both to be separate from being a loving, accepting, tolerant Spiritual Being. So, I guess it is about your own personal vision - Inclusive or Exclusive - and what would you want your God to be for you in your moment of need? I always enjoy your perspective.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great opportunity to be witness to Mr. B. As believers it is our duty to tell others about our walk with God, that includes those who are on the fence and neophyte's to the process.
ReplyDeleteCut bait...
ReplyDeleteDON'T do what Brian says... "evangelistic dating" is lame.
Wasting time is bad. The advantage of where you are at in life, is that you have clarity to see through these issues without confusion (or at least far less than you likely had previously).
Chin up girl.. God's plans are perfect--even for you, even for now, even forever!
But we don't need to missionary date.......CUT. You already answered your own question by even having to ask gf. I PROMISE you won't wonder when "the one" shows up. God's shown you in scripture and in your heart what to expect and desire from a man as He is the one that put those desires there in the first place. And scripture backs that. Follow your heart's desires for a strong, leading Christian man. It'll make ALL the difference in your marriage when He is the leader and you're not having to pretend to not be....
ReplyDeleteI know you're New Year's Resolution is to experience things you've left untouched thus far, but as a follower of Christ, and one as serious as you are, it makes NO SENSE to do the "just one more date" thing. Because if you like him, after "just one more date", you'll probably like him more. And then you'll probably convince yourself that "just one more date" is okay... and before you know it, you've had MANY more dates, and your in a position to hurt yourself and him in the process.
ReplyDeleteAre you doing it as a "ministry tool", as Brian suggested? Or are your reasons less pure? Only you can know that, but even still - this is a very slippery slope... tread carefully.
Is it religion or spirituality in my spouse that matters? Here's some "unorthodox" pastoral advice:
ReplyDeleteIt's important not to confuse one (religion—culture, tradition and ritual) with the other (spirituality—deep, personal, relational, mystical). That being the case, I'm not deeply concerned about my spouse's practice of religion, but I very much want her spirituality to coincide with my own. I believe that it is foolish to be unequally yoked, but what makes for unequal? A dissimilar commitment to creed or ritual? Hardly. It is our souls, not our dogmas, that yearn for companionship.
What draws two humans together transcends dogma and flows from the deepest places in us. Life is tough and everyone can use the help. Marriage is found in every culture on the planet—it transcends religion. The hope of discovering a life-long partner for the journey is not fundamentally a religious act but a human one. The mission of love is more powerful than religion.
All of this to say, Michelle, I know good men are hard to find and I want you to find the very best. Keep your standards high but make sure you aim for the heart, not the head. This Mr.B may or may not be Mr. Right, but whatever the case, listen to your soul, don't judge men by their Christianity but by their humanity. You may just find that the right man for you is not a saint but a Samaritan.
Thanks for the viewpoint, Dean. I like unorthodox opinions!
ReplyDelete