Many people commented offering advice with Mr.B and wanted to know what ended up happening...
He asked me out for a third time and I agreed. I was really torn after that last blog because I liked the guy, and I did not feel like another date was 'settling.' I agreed for a few reasons: 1) I did not feel like two dates had been sufficient to really know his heart, and 2) I did not feel that my conviction for abstinence was in any danger. He was a man who had a good career and money, and was used to women dating him for the latter. It's great he has done well for himself, but a Porshe in the garage "don't impress me much!" So I was ready to get to know Mr. B on a deeper level and see what else he was about.
Unfortunately, that particular Wednesday we were to go out, I had way too much going on and had to cancel. I am not playing games here, but I rationalized if he really wanted to get to know me better and was willing to wait for sex, he would ask me out again.
A few days of texting with Mr.B, he still had not picked up the phone and called me. I mentally wrote him off over the weekend, but Monday morning I found several texts from him. He suggested I could invite him over in when I am in my new place. (I'm thinking, "okay, in another 45 days?") I am not a chaser--I like to let a guy call me, so I think I am going to let this fish go...
Monday, February 22, 2010
Dating, Rhymes with Waiting.
Home buying is also synonymous with waiting--I am learning, but that does not make a great title. :) After waiting for almost a year for my townhouse, it will be mine this coming week. My apologies for not writing earlier, as my hand has had a cramp in it from all the document signing.
I have taken a break from dating. It has been somewhat forced because my focus has been solely work and house. Period. I went on a few small dates here and there, one coffee and some small dinner outings. Nothing to write blog about. I made a vow to be more open about the type of guy I would go out with, but I am finding out that there is a serious chemistry deficiency when going down this route. Still, I get to meet new people and expand my world, without dissecting them with the marriage scalpel.
Even though I am meeting new people and having a great time, it can also be VERY discouraging. Sometimes I wonder if this is an area that God hears me in. I am conflicted inside when my doubts and feelings conflict with His word. I am reminded over and over again how much He cares and how He hears my prayers. Sometimes the worldly view gets in the way--through friends. I have some friends that LOVE to point to scarcity, causing knots in my stomach. "You know Michele, everyone is going to have baggage. You should just be happy to meet a guy with a job and who is Christian..." or "the older you get, the less available men there are," or better yet "you need to get back dating because the good ones get snatched up really fast!" Really? Seriously? God knows how old I am, and knows every hair on my head. I have faith that He really cares about EVERY aspect of my life, including who I date and marry. Is it really possible that the CREATOR of the Universe can be "run out" of good, single Christian men? Is He limited in no areas except for that? Am I going to die an old spinster, and when I get to heaven God will say, "Michele, I had the perfect guy for you, but you should have stayed on eHarmony for another month--he was right around the corner!"
So I have this cat. He knows I adore him. And he knows he gets fed twice a day. I don't dangle kitty food in front of his face and not give it to him. But even still, there are times that he gets so impatient, he jumps onto the table and then to the counter as I am dishing out the food. And he gets disciplined. He is not allowed to be on the counter! I have to remember that God knows what I am hungry for, and He is happily preparing it because He adores us. I just have to be patient and wait for the good stuff.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Fish or Cut Bait?
Monday night was the big night out with Mr. B. I was super excited and felt little butterflies well up in my stomach when I thought about it.
Earlier in the day, I had attended a parenting class at church. Not really focused on the lesson, I distractedly prayed that God would speak to me and guide my steps for this date, even though this was not a serious thing just yet. True to His promise, we ask for wisdom and He freely gives it.
Ironically, the scripture for the parenting class that day was on 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. "Don't team up with those who are unbeleivers... and SEPARATE yourselves from them..." (NLT) As Christians, we are called to be separate.
Sitting across from Mr. B and talking about sex and why I abstain (for nth time) was exhausting. I kept thinking that even though last year he was baptized, there was nothing that I could see that seemed "separate." He was only hitting the tip of the iceberg with his faith. I want to date someone who is strong in their faith, or at least feels strongly convicted in the same areas that
I do.
Talking to a yoga/pilates hard-bodied friend last night, I tried to explain it like this. "You are super fit and fitness is your life. What if you met a great guy, but he sat on his ass watching T.V. and eating Cool Ranch Doritos all day long? Sure, he might "respect" your fitness goals and what you are doing with your life, but he probably won't encourage you and challenge you in those goals." Not to mention, sooner or later, you will end up on the couch next to him asking him to pass chips as you unbutton the top button of your pants to breathe easier.
Everything else about Mr.B is awesome. Tall, funny, good looking, fit, sweet, talkative, sucessful, active, interesting, obvisouly likes me, no games...
Having this conversation with many women wiser than I, I am still at a loss on whether to fish with Mr. B or cut bait. On one hand, one more date won't hurt. Sure, he is not perfect, but who is? Maybe this is an area that he can and will grow in? And since we've only been on two dates, its not like I'm making a huge decision.
On the other, why waste his time? Or mine? Words of a Brad Paisley song swim in my head... "Oh lookie here, another bite..." This girl might just have to keep on fishin', cause apparently there is plenty of fish in the sea...
Earlier in the day, I had attended a parenting class at church. Not really focused on the lesson, I distractedly prayed that God would speak to me and guide my steps for this date, even though this was not a serious thing just yet. True to His promise, we ask for wisdom and He freely gives it.
Ironically, the scripture for the parenting class that day was on 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. "Don't team up with those who are unbeleivers... and SEPARATE yourselves from them..." (NLT) As Christians, we are called to be separate.
Sitting across from Mr. B and talking about sex and why I abstain (for nth time) was exhausting. I kept thinking that even though last year he was baptized, there was nothing that I could see that seemed "separate." He was only hitting the tip of the iceberg with his faith. I want to date someone who is strong in their faith, or at least feels strongly convicted in the same areas that
I do.
Talking to a yoga/pilates hard-bodied friend last night, I tried to explain it like this. "You are super fit and fitness is your life. What if you met a great guy, but he sat on his ass watching T.V. and eating Cool Ranch Doritos all day long? Sure, he might "respect" your fitness goals and what you are doing with your life, but he probably won't encourage you and challenge you in those goals." Not to mention, sooner or later, you will end up on the couch next to him asking him to pass chips as you unbutton the top button of your pants to breathe easier.
Everything else about Mr.B is awesome. Tall, funny, good looking, fit, sweet, talkative, sucessful, active, interesting, obvisouly likes me, no games...
Having this conversation with many women wiser than I, I am still at a loss on whether to fish with Mr. B or cut bait. On one hand, one more date won't hurt. Sure, he is not perfect, but who is? Maybe this is an area that he can and will grow in? And since we've only been on two dates, its not like I'm making a huge decision.
On the other, why waste his time? Or mine? Words of a Brad Paisley song swim in my head... "Oh lookie here, another bite..." This girl might just have to keep on fishin', cause apparently there is plenty of fish in the sea...
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Do As I Say... Not As I Do!
I heard a new statistic that 1 in 3 ninth graders in the United States is sexually active. While this can be shocking, it only started more questions for me. At what age is it OK to be sexually active?
Over coffee, a good friend (a hot, divorced mom and abstinent like me) divulged her frustration with dating men who were Christians, yet insisted on sex prior to a marriage commitment. Most of these men were all divorced themselves.
At my work, we share the abstinence message to youth not ONLY because teens are more likely to use contraception incorrectly, but because there is way more than just possible pregnancy or an STI at stake. Sex can cloud our judgment on how the relationship actually is. I think ALL my friends (including myself) has dated a complete loser, cheater, beater or drug addict and could not seem to get enough. Why is that? Regardless of how mature or grown up we women appear to be, chemically speaking we girls attach or bond to men when sex enters the picture. (Google "oxytocin.")
Setting that aside, my saddest grief is the spiritual implications. God intended sex for marriage. Period. End of sentence. When we ignore this fact, we are being disobedient. Period. The other thought that entered my mind as I tossed and turned in bed was, that I am NOT my own. God owns me. We are NOT ours--we are His property. So any man or woman who wishes to have sex without marriage is attempting to sneak a peek at presents prior to Christmas morning. Some things are worth waiting for... How much fun is that?
Over coffee, a good friend (a hot, divorced mom and abstinent like me) divulged her frustration with dating men who were Christians, yet insisted on sex prior to a marriage commitment. Most of these men were all divorced themselves.
At my work, we share the abstinence message to youth not ONLY because teens are more likely to use contraception incorrectly, but because there is way more than just possible pregnancy or an STI at stake. Sex can cloud our judgment on how the relationship actually is. I think ALL my friends (including myself) has dated a complete loser, cheater, beater or drug addict and could not seem to get enough. Why is that? Regardless of how mature or grown up we women appear to be, chemically speaking we girls attach or bond to men when sex enters the picture. (Google "oxytocin.")
Setting that aside, my saddest grief is the spiritual implications. God intended sex for marriage. Period. End of sentence. When we ignore this fact, we are being disobedient. Period. The other thought that entered my mind as I tossed and turned in bed was, that I am NOT my own. God owns me. We are NOT ours--we are His property. So any man or woman who wishes to have sex without marriage is attempting to sneak a peek at presents prior to Christmas morning. Some things are worth waiting for... How much fun is that?
Like Fine Wine...
Some things get better with age.
Mr. B is older than I would typically date, but I vowed to stay as open-minded as possible this year and do things a little differently--like trying a new pair of shoes that fit, but you want to make sure that they're "you."
To be honest, I was not totally looking forward to this date. In typically "Michele" fashion, I had asked point blank how he felt about premarital sex prior to this date. (See my other blog "Tasting The Goods" at datingfrogstofindmyprince.blogspot.com) I figured out early on that a guy needs to know ahead of time where you stand on the sex issue. If he knew where I stood, I was avoiding any awkward moments and conversations later. Mr. B respected where I stood, but as a new Christian had many questions before deciding it might be ok to take the abstinence train. He was curious and it made for good conversation.
Sex is often on a guy's mind. There is beauty in this simplicity; they are easily pleased with sex. Celebrating sex at the right time can work to only to your benefit--find out if a guy really is interested in getting to know YOU. Also, if he has the restraint to wait until marriage, how much more restraint will he have if another woman comes on to him once you are married?
I sat across from Mr. B, alarmed at how attractive I found him. I felt drawn to him. Not only from his physical appearance, but there was a confidence and a gentleness that was extremely appealing. Two major brownie points from our date: 1) he could not wait for me to talk and hear what I was all about and 2) he was a complete gentleman--opening doors, taking care of my valeted car, pulling out my chair... Guys might be easily entertained by sex but oh boy, was I easily taken in by a sweet, chivalrous guy who hung on every word! Three and a half hours later, we strolled out of the restaurant, both smitten with food and company.
He walk me to my car, hesitated, and stroked my cheek. I gave him a signal that he could kiss me by wildly batting my eyelashes in a manner I hoped was appealing. He gave me a sweet, reserved kiss and tucked me into my car. He texted the next day to say that he was thinking about me; no games, no waiting. Just a simple gesture that brought a smile to my face. Mmm... another brownie point.
Date number two is on Monday and I am looking forward to it more than I would dare to admit. I think I have tapped into something I never knew before... This man seemed to definitely get even better with age... Waiter, I'll definitely have another glass please!
Mr. B is older than I would typically date, but I vowed to stay as open-minded as possible this year and do things a little differently--like trying a new pair of shoes that fit, but you want to make sure that they're "you."
To be honest, I was not totally looking forward to this date. In typically "Michele" fashion, I had asked point blank how he felt about premarital sex prior to this date. (See my other blog "Tasting The Goods" at datingfrogstofindmyprince.blogspot.com) I figured out early on that a guy needs to know ahead of time where you stand on the sex issue. If he knew where I stood, I was avoiding any awkward moments and conversations later. Mr. B respected where I stood, but as a new Christian had many questions before deciding it might be ok to take the abstinence train. He was curious and it made for good conversation.
Sex is often on a guy's mind. There is beauty in this simplicity; they are easily pleased with sex. Celebrating sex at the right time can work to only to your benefit--find out if a guy really is interested in getting to know YOU. Also, if he has the restraint to wait until marriage, how much more restraint will he have if another woman comes on to him once you are married?
I sat across from Mr. B, alarmed at how attractive I found him. I felt drawn to him. Not only from his physical appearance, but there was a confidence and a gentleness that was extremely appealing. Two major brownie points from our date: 1) he could not wait for me to talk and hear what I was all about and 2) he was a complete gentleman--opening doors, taking care of my valeted car, pulling out my chair... Guys might be easily entertained by sex but oh boy, was I easily taken in by a sweet, chivalrous guy who hung on every word! Three and a half hours later, we strolled out of the restaurant, both smitten with food and company.
He walk me to my car, hesitated, and stroked my cheek. I gave him a signal that he could kiss me by wildly batting my eyelashes in a manner I hoped was appealing. He gave me a sweet, reserved kiss and tucked me into my car. He texted the next day to say that he was thinking about me; no games, no waiting. Just a simple gesture that brought a smile to my face. Mmm... another brownie point.
Date number two is on Monday and I am looking forward to it more than I would dare to admit. I think I have tapped into something I never knew before... This man seemed to definitely get even better with age... Waiter, I'll definitely have another glass please!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I Don't Speak "Guy"
Ok, so I went out with "Rick" for the first time last night. I had an absolute blast. We both had so much to share and talk about that over three hours had passed in the restaurant before I knew it.
Rick is a good ol' boy--midwest roots and midwest values, plus an adorable accent. He had confidence, was tough without being macho, strong in character, and very "guy." Girls know what I am talking about here. We love a man who is well, masculine. Just picture Tim Allen pounding his chest with that "Arrrr Arrr!" It was cute to see how excited he got to order a fourteen ounce steak--and eat it all of it. There is nothing worse than a guy who is picky about food. This a right reserved only for women. :) I swear it must be written in the Bible somewhere, like when Eve was offered the apple--she only ate because it was not going to make her fat--I'm sure of it!
At the end of the date, Rick walked me to my car. (Insert awkward moment here) Do you kiss on the first date? Hug? I couldn't read his signals, so I went to give him a safe hug, just as he was leaning in to give me a smack on the lips! In my embarassment I cracked a joke and said something lame like, "oh, so you want to kiss me, huh?" To which he replied with an "is that ok?" Of course!
Once home, I sent a text thanking him for the fun evening. He replied with a "Let's do something again sometime." Something, sometime? This is where girls and guys are very different.
When a guy says: Let's do something again sometime.
I hear: I think I might like to take you out again--we'll see. Maybe I'll call you, maybe I won't.
BUT what I am told he really means: Let's do something again sometime.
I don't know why this is such a hard concept for me to get. I think it's in our womanly nature to look into everything. I am frequently told by my brothers guys say what they mean. So I am just going to have to wait for him to call for date number two.
Rick is a good ol' boy--midwest roots and midwest values, plus an adorable accent. He had confidence, was tough without being macho, strong in character, and very "guy." Girls know what I am talking about here. We love a man who is well, masculine. Just picture Tim Allen pounding his chest with that "Arrrr Arrr!" It was cute to see how excited he got to order a fourteen ounce steak--and eat it all of it. There is nothing worse than a guy who is picky about food. This a right reserved only for women. :) I swear it must be written in the Bible somewhere, like when Eve was offered the apple--she only ate because it was not going to make her fat--I'm sure of it!
At the end of the date, Rick walked me to my car. (Insert awkward moment here) Do you kiss on the first date? Hug? I couldn't read his signals, so I went to give him a safe hug, just as he was leaning in to give me a smack on the lips! In my embarassment I cracked a joke and said something lame like, "oh, so you want to kiss me, huh?" To which he replied with an "is that ok?" Of course!
Once home, I sent a text thanking him for the fun evening. He replied with a "Let's do something again sometime." Something, sometime? This is where girls and guys are very different.
When a guy says: Let's do something again sometime.
I hear: I think I might like to take you out again--we'll see. Maybe I'll call you, maybe I won't.
BUT what I am told he really means: Let's do something again sometime.
I don't know why this is such a hard concept for me to get. I think it's in our womanly nature to look into everything. I am frequently told by my brothers guys say what they mean. So I am just going to have to wait for him to call for date number two.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
It's Raining, It's Pouring...
This ol' girl is dating!
Like southern California weather, so goes my dating--there are times when one can see figurative tumbleweed blowing across my love life. But in sync with the this weeks showers, my dating life is pouring buckets. Ok, maybe not buckets...
I've decided for 2010 to be more open to new experiences and to have fun with dating. So many of us women date specifically with marriage as the only focus, not realizing that going out with someone who is not necessarily our "type" might surprise us. So ringing in the new year, I decided to join an online dating site that matches me up with people, based on "28 levels of campatibility." (Insert commercial here.) If you cannot figure out what site this is, you must live under a rock. EHarmony commercials run just about every commercial break.
Stay tuned in to see this week's dating forecast...
Like southern California weather, so goes my dating--there are times when one can see figurative tumbleweed blowing across my love life. But in sync with the this weeks showers, my dating life is pouring buckets. Ok, maybe not buckets...
I've decided for 2010 to be more open to new experiences and to have fun with dating. So many of us women date specifically with marriage as the only focus, not realizing that going out with someone who is not necessarily our "type" might surprise us. So ringing in the new year, I decided to join an online dating site that matches me up with people, based on "28 levels of campatibility." (Insert commercial here.) If you cannot figure out what site this is, you must live under a rock. EHarmony commercials run just about every commercial break.
Stay tuned in to see this week's dating forecast...
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