I heard a new statistic that 1 in 3 ninth graders in the United States is sexually active. While this can be shocking, it only started more questions for me. At what age is it OK to be sexually active?
Over coffee, a good friend (a hot, divorced mom and abstinent like me) divulged her frustration with dating men who were Christians, yet insisted on sex prior to a marriage commitment. Most of these men were all divorced themselves.
At my work, we share the abstinence message to youth not ONLY because teens are more likely to use contraception incorrectly, but because there is way more than just possible pregnancy or an STI at stake. Sex can cloud our judgment on how the relationship actually is. I think ALL my friends (including myself) has dated a complete loser, cheater, beater or drug addict and could not seem to get enough. Why is that? Regardless of how mature or grown up we women appear to be, chemically speaking we girls attach or bond to men when sex enters the picture. (Google "oxytocin.")
Setting that aside, my saddest grief is the spiritual implications. God intended sex for marriage. Period. End of sentence. When we ignore this fact, we are being disobedient. Period. The other thought that entered my mind as I tossed and turned in bed was, that I am NOT my own. God owns me. We are NOT ours--we are His property. So any man or woman who wishes to have sex without marriage is attempting to sneak a peek at presents prior to Christmas morning. Some things are worth waiting for... How much fun is that?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Like Fine Wine...
Some things get better with age.
Mr. B is older than I would typically date, but I vowed to stay as open-minded as possible this year and do things a little differently--like trying a new pair of shoes that fit, but you want to make sure that they're "you."
To be honest, I was not totally looking forward to this date. In typically "Michele" fashion, I had asked point blank how he felt about premarital sex prior to this date. (See my other blog "Tasting The Goods" at datingfrogstofindmyprince.blogspot.com) I figured out early on that a guy needs to know ahead of time where you stand on the sex issue. If he knew where I stood, I was avoiding any awkward moments and conversations later. Mr. B respected where I stood, but as a new Christian had many questions before deciding it might be ok to take the abstinence train. He was curious and it made for good conversation.
Sex is often on a guy's mind. There is beauty in this simplicity; they are easily pleased with sex. Celebrating sex at the right time can work to only to your benefit--find out if a guy really is interested in getting to know YOU. Also, if he has the restraint to wait until marriage, how much more restraint will he have if another woman comes on to him once you are married?
I sat across from Mr. B, alarmed at how attractive I found him. I felt drawn to him. Not only from his physical appearance, but there was a confidence and a gentleness that was extremely appealing. Two major brownie points from our date: 1) he could not wait for me to talk and hear what I was all about and 2) he was a complete gentleman--opening doors, taking care of my valeted car, pulling out my chair... Guys might be easily entertained by sex but oh boy, was I easily taken in by a sweet, chivalrous guy who hung on every word! Three and a half hours later, we strolled out of the restaurant, both smitten with food and company.
He walk me to my car, hesitated, and stroked my cheek. I gave him a signal that he could kiss me by wildly batting my eyelashes in a manner I hoped was appealing. He gave me a sweet, reserved kiss and tucked me into my car. He texted the next day to say that he was thinking about me; no games, no waiting. Just a simple gesture that brought a smile to my face. Mmm... another brownie point.
Date number two is on Monday and I am looking forward to it more than I would dare to admit. I think I have tapped into something I never knew before... This man seemed to definitely get even better with age... Waiter, I'll definitely have another glass please!
Mr. B is older than I would typically date, but I vowed to stay as open-minded as possible this year and do things a little differently--like trying a new pair of shoes that fit, but you want to make sure that they're "you."
To be honest, I was not totally looking forward to this date. In typically "Michele" fashion, I had asked point blank how he felt about premarital sex prior to this date. (See my other blog "Tasting The Goods" at datingfrogstofindmyprince.blogspot.com) I figured out early on that a guy needs to know ahead of time where you stand on the sex issue. If he knew where I stood, I was avoiding any awkward moments and conversations later. Mr. B respected where I stood, but as a new Christian had many questions before deciding it might be ok to take the abstinence train. He was curious and it made for good conversation.
Sex is often on a guy's mind. There is beauty in this simplicity; they are easily pleased with sex. Celebrating sex at the right time can work to only to your benefit--find out if a guy really is interested in getting to know YOU. Also, if he has the restraint to wait until marriage, how much more restraint will he have if another woman comes on to him once you are married?
I sat across from Mr. B, alarmed at how attractive I found him. I felt drawn to him. Not only from his physical appearance, but there was a confidence and a gentleness that was extremely appealing. Two major brownie points from our date: 1) he could not wait for me to talk and hear what I was all about and 2) he was a complete gentleman--opening doors, taking care of my valeted car, pulling out my chair... Guys might be easily entertained by sex but oh boy, was I easily taken in by a sweet, chivalrous guy who hung on every word! Three and a half hours later, we strolled out of the restaurant, both smitten with food and company.
He walk me to my car, hesitated, and stroked my cheek. I gave him a signal that he could kiss me by wildly batting my eyelashes in a manner I hoped was appealing. He gave me a sweet, reserved kiss and tucked me into my car. He texted the next day to say that he was thinking about me; no games, no waiting. Just a simple gesture that brought a smile to my face. Mmm... another brownie point.
Date number two is on Monday and I am looking forward to it more than I would dare to admit. I think I have tapped into something I never knew before... This man seemed to definitely get even better with age... Waiter, I'll definitely have another glass please!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I Don't Speak "Guy"
Ok, so I went out with "Rick" for the first time last night. I had an absolute blast. We both had so much to share and talk about that over three hours had passed in the restaurant before I knew it.
Rick is a good ol' boy--midwest roots and midwest values, plus an adorable accent. He had confidence, was tough without being macho, strong in character, and very "guy." Girls know what I am talking about here. We love a man who is well, masculine. Just picture Tim Allen pounding his chest with that "Arrrr Arrr!" It was cute to see how excited he got to order a fourteen ounce steak--and eat it all of it. There is nothing worse than a guy who is picky about food. This a right reserved only for women. :) I swear it must be written in the Bible somewhere, like when Eve was offered the apple--she only ate because it was not going to make her fat--I'm sure of it!
At the end of the date, Rick walked me to my car. (Insert awkward moment here) Do you kiss on the first date? Hug? I couldn't read his signals, so I went to give him a safe hug, just as he was leaning in to give me a smack on the lips! In my embarassment I cracked a joke and said something lame like, "oh, so you want to kiss me, huh?" To which he replied with an "is that ok?" Of course!
Once home, I sent a text thanking him for the fun evening. He replied with a "Let's do something again sometime." Something, sometime? This is where girls and guys are very different.
When a guy says: Let's do something again sometime.
I hear: I think I might like to take you out again--we'll see. Maybe I'll call you, maybe I won't.
BUT what I am told he really means: Let's do something again sometime.
I don't know why this is such a hard concept for me to get. I think it's in our womanly nature to look into everything. I am frequently told by my brothers guys say what they mean. So I am just going to have to wait for him to call for date number two.
Rick is a good ol' boy--midwest roots and midwest values, plus an adorable accent. He had confidence, was tough without being macho, strong in character, and very "guy." Girls know what I am talking about here. We love a man who is well, masculine. Just picture Tim Allen pounding his chest with that "Arrrr Arrr!" It was cute to see how excited he got to order a fourteen ounce steak--and eat it all of it. There is nothing worse than a guy who is picky about food. This a right reserved only for women. :) I swear it must be written in the Bible somewhere, like when Eve was offered the apple--she only ate because it was not going to make her fat--I'm sure of it!
At the end of the date, Rick walked me to my car. (Insert awkward moment here) Do you kiss on the first date? Hug? I couldn't read his signals, so I went to give him a safe hug, just as he was leaning in to give me a smack on the lips! In my embarassment I cracked a joke and said something lame like, "oh, so you want to kiss me, huh?" To which he replied with an "is that ok?" Of course!
Once home, I sent a text thanking him for the fun evening. He replied with a "Let's do something again sometime." Something, sometime? This is where girls and guys are very different.
When a guy says: Let's do something again sometime.
I hear: I think I might like to take you out again--we'll see. Maybe I'll call you, maybe I won't.
BUT what I am told he really means: Let's do something again sometime.
I don't know why this is such a hard concept for me to get. I think it's in our womanly nature to look into everything. I am frequently told by my brothers guys say what they mean. So I am just going to have to wait for him to call for date number two.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
It's Raining, It's Pouring...
This ol' girl is dating!
Like southern California weather, so goes my dating--there are times when one can see figurative tumbleweed blowing across my love life. But in sync with the this weeks showers, my dating life is pouring buckets. Ok, maybe not buckets...
I've decided for 2010 to be more open to new experiences and to have fun with dating. So many of us women date specifically with marriage as the only focus, not realizing that going out with someone who is not necessarily our "type" might surprise us. So ringing in the new year, I decided to join an online dating site that matches me up with people, based on "28 levels of campatibility." (Insert commercial here.) If you cannot figure out what site this is, you must live under a rock. EHarmony commercials run just about every commercial break.
Stay tuned in to see this week's dating forecast...
Like southern California weather, so goes my dating--there are times when one can see figurative tumbleweed blowing across my love life. But in sync with the this weeks showers, my dating life is pouring buckets. Ok, maybe not buckets...
I've decided for 2010 to be more open to new experiences and to have fun with dating. So many of us women date specifically with marriage as the only focus, not realizing that going out with someone who is not necessarily our "type" might surprise us. So ringing in the new year, I decided to join an online dating site that matches me up with people, based on "28 levels of campatibility." (Insert commercial here.) If you cannot figure out what site this is, you must live under a rock. EHarmony commercials run just about every commercial break.
Stay tuned in to see this week's dating forecast...
Friday, January 8, 2010
This Year's Love...Three Years Ago
"This year's love had better last..." I was driving home last night when my XM radio started playing David Grey's Song. "Heaven knows it's high time," came the hopeful melody. I drove blindly and was taken back three years ago...
Under the Hawaiian moon, he and I danced barefoot in the sand. He had been training in missions and I impulsively hopped a plane to visit him. It was romantic--the whole day was. He picked me up at the airport, complete with a fragrant lei for my neck and love songs strategically placed on my seat. As we stared at one another over fresh sushi on the beach, my stomach was a sea of butterflies. I had never been romanced before. This was all new to me.
I was going to marry him. Or so I thought. I remember we prayed fervently to God for our impending nuptials. We did everything right--we prayed, we abstained, we churched together. This was it, wasn't it? What I did not expect when I prayed for God's Plan was a big fat "NO" from God. That's not the way it's supposed to work...or is it?
Looking back, I can see what He was doing, though I did not understand at the time. I was devastated for weeks after we broke up. The dream that we had built was gone. There was nothing in it's place. And so the Proverb goes, "Man makes his plans, but it is the LORD who guides his steps."
I see him from time to time and I always come back dazed. Dazed at the reality that there is no feeling, no love lost (if there is none lost, was it there to begin with?) nothing. I think about how devasted I was, and for what reason? I think about who I am now and was then, and I am taken aback that we ever dated to begin with. God guides to what He has planned for me, even though I make my plans. I rest comfortably in that thought.
Under the Hawaiian moon, he and I danced barefoot in the sand. He had been training in missions and I impulsively hopped a plane to visit him. It was romantic--the whole day was. He picked me up at the airport, complete with a fragrant lei for my neck and love songs strategically placed on my seat. As we stared at one another over fresh sushi on the beach, my stomach was a sea of butterflies. I had never been romanced before. This was all new to me.
I was going to marry him. Or so I thought. I remember we prayed fervently to God for our impending nuptials. We did everything right--we prayed, we abstained, we churched together. This was it, wasn't it? What I did not expect when I prayed for God's Plan was a big fat "NO" from God. That's not the way it's supposed to work...or is it?
Looking back, I can see what He was doing, though I did not understand at the time. I was devastated for weeks after we broke up. The dream that we had built was gone. There was nothing in it's place. And so the Proverb goes, "Man makes his plans, but it is the LORD who guides his steps."
I see him from time to time and I always come back dazed. Dazed at the reality that there is no feeling, no love lost (if there is none lost, was it there to begin with?) nothing. I think about how devasted I was, and for what reason? I think about who I am now and was then, and I am taken aback that we ever dated to begin with. God guides to what He has planned for me, even though I make my plans. I rest comfortably in that thought.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Adam and Eve
I recently decided to take up the challenge to read my bible chronologically as part of my 2010 goals. I came to my attention that Adam and Eve never dated; God made man, and then He delivered his "helper" to him. She was an instant wife. There was no dating, no courtship, no romantic proposal, nada. On the other hand, there were no dreaded "in-laws," no worries of Adam checking other women--or other men for that matter, and no doubt if this Eve gal was Ms. Right--she was to the very core created especially for Adam. Come to think of it, Adam probably never had commitment issues either. I seriously wonder what would have happened if God brought Eve before Adam and he had said that he was "not ready to settle down."
Dr. Laura says that basically to keep a husband happy, all his wife needs to give is food, sex and appreciation. Is it any coincidence that God made woman from the rib of a man, and WHAT is man's favorite food?
Dr. Laura says that basically to keep a husband happy, all his wife needs to give is food, sex and appreciation. Is it any coincidence that God made woman from the rib of a man, and WHAT is man's favorite food?
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